Emotional Intimacy 02 | How to Talk About Your Feelings in a Straightforward Way
Take the Free Emotional Intimacy Test for Couples: https://www.veronika-amaya.com/emotional-intimacy-test
Read Blog: "7 Advanced Communication Tools to Save Your Relationship": http://www.veronika-amaya.com/blog/advanced-communication-skills
Feelings & Needs List: https://www.veronika-amaya.com/resources
3 Step Process for talking about your feelings in a straightforward way:
1) Assess what your are feeling
• We are used to thinking in judgements and what other people are “doing to us”
• Translate your judgements into how you are responding to a situation
• What am I feeling in that moment?
• Talk about direct feelings
• Download Feelings list: https://www.veronika-amaya.com/resources
2) Assess what you are needing
• When we are feeling uncomfortable emotions, it is always a hint that one or more of our needs are not being met
• What are those needs that are not being met in this moment?
• Download Needs List: https://www.veronika-amaya.com/resources
3) Share this with your partner
• In the beginning it is helpful to really prepare what you are saying
• Stay with feelings and needs → Through this far more connecting conversations are possible
• You partner will probably be really happy that you communicate so clearly what’s going on with you – makes them feel safe. Also, when you are avoiding judgement they are usually much more ready to make changes. Also, when you share your needs they have a clear idea how to move forward. You can work on solutions & strategies together.
What to Avoid:
• Judgements & interpretations
• Using this technique to make your partner “admit” that they did something wrong → this destroys trust (I know it’s really hard because this is what many of us learned in childhood) – this is a peaceful way of interacting, which takes some training
• Thinking that your needs are more important than your partners → It could be that you both have conflicting needs and the challenge is here to find a solution that fits you both
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